Living Without a Safety Net

 

I was having a terrible day. I was in a quiet mental spiral that day. I didn't want to respond to the dismissive energy that lured above me. I did as that energy reminded me how disappointment just keeps rotating in my atmosphere. And my father responded, “Well you haven’t been like this." Uhhhh, wrong answer sir. I have been like this. You would actually have to be willing to "see" me to know that I have been like this for years. I just happen to find the sense to keep pushing. 

And that’s when it hit me again, how easy it is for people to overlook your pain just because you’ve gotten good at hiding it. I told him: No one cares, so I don’t speak on not being okay. I’ve had to teach myself to push through, to be “strong” because the support I needed never showed up.

And still, people are shocked when I falter.

The truth is, I’ve been unraveling silently. I thought I was making progress with my self-healing journey, and I have, but I am still human and those triggers can come along and change the course of direction. The truth is, I never had the luxury of falling apart out loud.

And if I’m being even more honest, maybe part of me still doesn’t understand why it’s been this way.

I’ve never really been on anyone’s radar. I wasn’t the one people checked in on or prioritized. And for a long time, I questioned that. I have always been kind at my core, so, what is it?

At first, I thought maybe it was because I was sheltered as a child and didn’t get the chance to build friendships that lasted for years. Maybe my parents' keeping me isolated from the world had something to do with it.

But even when I tried to let people in—really tried—I kept running into the same pattern. People were clique-ish. I wasn’t let in; I was used. I was treated like the “errand girl,” helpful when it served them, but never someone they actually saw or cared for. That’s when the doubt about people started to settle in. 

However, it is very important to have that human connection. We all need to feel loved and wanted. It’s natural to desire that. And for those who say it’s not needed—hush, because it’s a key component to how we build and sustain love, support, and care for one another. Human connection is how we cope with life’s hardest moments. It helps to know someone sees you, doesn’t want you to hurt, and is there to remind you that you’re not alone.

I’m not going to pretend I have it all figured out, but here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Acknowledge the discomfort. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s real. It’s okay to admit when you’re struggling, even if no one is around to witness it.
2. Find your light, even in the darkest places. When everything feels overwhelming, search for something, anything that reminds you there’s still something worth fighting for inside you. Even if it’s small, hold onto that spark.
3. Take small actions to connect. If you’re not getting the connection you need from others, work on fostering it within yourself. Check in with your own needs, ask yourself if you’re okay, and give yourself that attention you might be missing.
4. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Not everyone will see you or understand your needs, and that’s okay. Learn when to protect your energy and when to let others in.
5. Keep going. Even if it feels like you're walking a path alone, keep taking those steps forward. One foot in front of the other—slowly, but surely. This one is the hardest because it seems so simple, but what else can you do? You have to keep going somehow.

And above all, remember: You are enough. Your struggles don’t define you; they shape you into the person you’re becoming. Even when it feels like no one sees you, keep showing up for yourself. That’s the truest form of connection you can cultivate.